Like right now. 

I’ve been in a slight funk lately because of it. Horseback riding used to be my outlet where I could just completely forget about everything that was bothering me and just focus on Chance and our ride. I miss having that one thing that I loved to do. Having no money really sucks. I’m envious of all of you that I follow that are able to have their own horses and have lessons. 

The barn I was at was a horrible farm. No one out there really knew anything about teaching anyone how to ride. I taught myself how to ride by watching YouTube videos and talking to other people. I didn’t have any friends at the barn because the owner of the farm started so much drama between everyone at that farm, that I just didn’t really want to make any friends. I had Chance. I was there to ride and take care of Chance, and then I’d leave. Yeah, it sucked not really having anyone out there that I was friends with, but I never got involved in any of the stupid drama that started. 

I hated the barn I was at so much. I was there for 9 years. The first couple years were good. I was actually being taught and looked-after and I never got pushed to the side. After that, things went down hill. The owner became almost obsessed with taking money from people. She would scam people into giving her money and she’d always play favorite with the ones who gave her the most money. She never gave me the attention when it came to teaching because my family just paid her the monthly money for “sponsorship” and that was it. I didn’t go out there often enough because, oh my god, I have school and a job, so I didn’t get to be a favorite. I never got the opportunity to show. I didn’t get jack shit when it came to an equestrian education. The only thing I gained from that farm was Chance. He was the reason I stuck it out so long out there. He was my rock.

Without him, I know I’m more stressed out. I know that I’m not myself. Having that one thing in your life for 8 years that helped you cope with just about everything suddenly be taken away from you fucking sucks. And not having that outlet at all really makes things suck that much more. 

I miss my sport. I miss my horse. I miss being normal.